Emotionless
by sennedjem
Summary: Kai after feeling hurt and rejected by the world seems to find "suicide" as the answer. But he fails. And what does Rei think about all of this? KaixRei yaoi. Some sort of repost...NOT a death fic.
1. Default Chapter

Hi people, I have returned.

Now I know what you're all thinking –"damn it".

Eh don't blame you.

Anyway this is the repost of emotionless (because deleted it)… I've just changed it. ...Till its basically a new fic… how did this happen?

Very sorry I just hated the first version ¬¬… I'll be quiet.

Anyway this is NOT a death fic.

Disclaimer- I do not own beyblade; if I did it would be on a later time and Mariah would've been killed in the cruellest way possible.

Warning- attempted suicide and yaoi… again this is not a death fic.

Also I want to thank grEMLin evil who made me want to write again, you're a sweet button of doom.

Kai p.o.v

I can't understand how I can ever be accused of ever being emotionless.

I can feel hatred for this world, towards myself can't I? Isn't that enough?

Apparently not…

I feel scared sometimes. Mainly scared of rejection.

Its happened so many times before why would it have to stop now I'm around other people? I'm sure they'd reject me to if they weren't so afraid of me.

Rei. He'd reject me if he ever found out about some of the things I want to do and say to him.

"Yes, I love you Rei." I murmur happily.

I guess I'm pretty pathetic- yes; yes the "great" Kai is afraid of another human being.

Heh what would my grandfather say now-

"Another beating for you young Kai Hiwatari."?

Ah yes. That would be it. The pain. The beatings. The scars I now carry because of it.

Normal p.o.v.

The blunette sighed happily, lying in the bathtub. The water now dyed red from the blood spilling out from the teen.

His naked body half sunken under the red liquid, his chest –upwards- could be seen along with his knees. The rest just remained under the water.

-Flashback-

"If I'm gonna do this might as well do it so I have no second chance." His face twisted into a sickening grin as he finished carving the letters into his flesh. Kissing the wound softly he picked up the blade again. Dragging it harshly along the flesh ripping and hollowing out the artery.

His smiled faded slightly.

Maybe they're right -"emotionless" he mouthed his eyes looking empty and lifeless.

This doesn't hurt.

Looking down to the blood that begun to spill out of his fore arm.

He shrugged it off. Turned the tap off, and stepped slowly into the bath ignoring the numbing pain the cold water left behind.

-End-

"Red is such a beautiful colour isn't it?" he asked himself out loud. Letting the stained water drip few his fingers as he studied it.

"I'm so tided. And happy? Heh there's a change." He grinned and his head slumped onto his shoulder. His eyes shut gently. As his body stilled. And he didn't move again.

Knock knock

"Hey Kai?" came Kenny's voice threw the other side of the bathroom door.

No reply.

"Kai I'm gonna come in if you don't answer... you've been in for a lot longer then you normally take…which is like 10 seconds..." he murmured the last part under his breath.

Still no reply.

He gulped slightly and pushed open the door.

"Hey Kai?" Asked the small brunette as he begun to walk into the bathroom. "You didn't escape from the windo- HOLY SHIT! KAI!"

He screamed as he rushed to the bathtub hauling out the blunette's lifeless body.

To be continued…

This was really short…

Again with my usual -please don't flame me.


	2. chappie 2

I'm back from being grounded… hellowa… thank you very much reviewers I love you all throws yummy, gummy strawberries

Kai pov-

Beep…beep…beep.

This cant be happening…

Beep…beep…beep..

I don't even have to open my eyes to know exactly where I am.

To know I'm still alive.

Can't they just leave me alone?

Why are they depriving me?

This is what I wanted cant they just leave me to have this one pleasure of not waking up anymore?

What gives them any reason to think I still want to be on this godforsaken planet…

For once I was actually happy, when I slowly felt my eyes close and thought "this was the end".

No this isn't going to help at all. I know as soon as the rest come they'll all ask questions. And everything will just get worst…

What about my Ray?

My body feels heavy, the kinda sleepy feeling you get when you had morphine injected into your body…

Beep… beep…beep…

Cant that bloody machine shut up? I know I'm alive, no need to have that there reminding me.

My eyelids slowly open letting the light blind me.

I've always hated hospitals… all the wires and white rooms- I don't like them at all.

I sigh. Why did they do this? I just wanted to die.

I slowly sit up, as a wave of dizziness hits me, my mouth is dry and my lips feel cracked as I run my tongue over them.

This rooms pretty big; I must be the only one in it. My body aches slightly as I attempt to stand up and fail miserably. I'm dressed in white pyjamas or something, and this place smells really old, but like anaesthetics.

Ugh hospitals, full of so many bad memories.

Beep…beep…beep…

"FOR FUCK SAKE!" grabbing hold of the wire connecting to the machine I rip it out, creating sparks.

This wasn't meant to happen. I wasn't meant to live.

A strangled choke escapes my throat as it tightens.

"I don't want to be here" burying my head into my hands I start to… cry.

"WHYD THEY HAVE TO FUCKING SAVE ME? I DON'T WANT TO BE HERE! What's wrong with you people? Not everyone's fucking happy in this shit world. I just want to-" I was being stupid I know to well, but, but.

My silent sobs grew worse and I had to bite into my lip to stop making me cry out load.

Why?

"Mr. Hiwatari?" a male voice calls out to me. My eyes widen. He can't see me like this. No I'm not weak. He can't see me like this!

I look up and glare at him. He most likely knows I've been crying my eyes are probably red.

"What happened to your heart monitor? phew I thought you were dead." His eyes looked down to the cable that was now lying next to my hands.

"Oh I see." He stated, and pushed his glasses further onto his nose.

No you don't see anything, you're just pathetic. You know nothing about me so you cant "see" anything.

"Well as your now awake I might as well quickly do a check up."

He told me to take my top off so he could check my heart and other things (I really didn't feel very comfortable with him looking at my body), he checked the other monitors I was hooked up to and smiled at me.

"So do you want to tell me why you wrote that on your arm?" he asked.

I forgot about "that". I place my hand on top of my bandaged arm and looked away.

He knows nothing; he couldn't possibly understand anything I've been threw.

"Nobody else knows about that do they?" I ask my voice was low and was most likely barely heard by him. He shook his head.

"No. I made sure I was the only person who looked after you after your op so, no one else knows about it. On your document I just wrote you had multiple cuts."

"Thank you" I mumble. I feel almost ashamed. He places his hand on my back and pats me slightly.

"Don't worry your gonna be okay"

"… What if I didn't want to be okay?…"

I'm very sorry for this chapter being so short, and I'm sorry if I'm boring you immensely. I'm not doing it on purpose I swear . Anyway don't flame me.


End file.
